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Safer Sex

This topic is all about safer sex. Safer sex means sexual contact that:

Unsafe sex is sex that allows sexually transmitted infections (STIs) to be passed on to another person, or sex that could result in an unwanted pregnancy. No matter who you are, if you're sexually active or thinking about having sex, it's important to have information that will help you make the right choices.

Many young people know that if they are considering having sex, it's really important to make sure it is safer sex. But it isn't always easy, and it can be embarrassing. Some people may be less careful if they've been drinking, and others may forget in the heat of the moment. If you are considering having sex, it is important to be able to talk about safe sex with your partner.

Warning!
If you have had unsafe sex (eg. sexual intercourse without a condom), it is advisable to get medical advice about either having an STI check or a pregnancy test.

Important:
Although it is against the law in South Australia to have sexual intercourse with a person who is under 17 years of age, it is still important that you seek medical attention if you have been practising unsafe sex. A doctor must keep any matters you discuss in a consultation confidential, unless you have been sexually abused.

What is safer sex?

Safer sex means sexual contact that does not involve any exchange of blood, semen or vaginal fluids.

Safer activities can include kissing, touching, cuddling and using condoms for sexual intercourse.

We say safer sex rather than safe sex because sex can't be guaranteed 100% safe. The best way to have safe sex is to be in a monogamous relationship (only one partner) where neither of you has sex outside that relationship and where you are both free of any STIs. Some people say the only form of safer sex is to abstain totally (not have sex at all) but most people would see this as being unrealistic.

Note: Even when using condoms and dams (a latex sheet used for mouth/vagina oral sex) for protection or when you only get into safer sex activities, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can still be passed on. Genital warts, genital herpes and other STIs can be passed on during protected sex (sex with a condom) because the condom does not always cover the affected area. Scabies or pubic lice can be passed on just by very close contact.

A person who has had an STI should not have sex until given the all clear from the doctor.

Being ready for sex

Young people can feel a lot of pressure to have sex. Friends may tell you they're all doing it (sometimes even if they're not). You see it on the TV and in the movies. You might also feel pressured by a particular person. Or you might feel that it's expected of you from a girlfriend or boyfriend.

Here are some things to think about:

Safer sex activities

Some safer sexual activities (no exchange of body fluids)

It is often assumed that these kinds of activities are only a lead-up to sexual intercourse. Many people find that these safer forms of sexual activity are more than enough to express their emotions and their love for each other.

Some probably safer sexual activities (there is not likely to be an exchange of body fluids)

Some definitely not safe sexual activities

Negotiating safer sex

Starting a conversation with a partner (or potential partner) about safer sex can be tough.

Many cultures don't speak openly about sex and this can make it difficult because you're just not used to talking about it. People are often brought up differently. Men may have been taught to be more dominant and women taught to be more passive - this can sometimes make it hard for women to take the lead.

None of these reasons mean that you should take a chance with unsafe sex.

When you bring the subject up, it's pretty likely you'll find that the other person has been wanting to bring the subject up too and feels just as unsure and awkward about it. It shows that you respect yourself and it shows that you respect your partner when you ask about safer sex.

The way you start the conversation will depend on the person and how well you know that person. One young woman tells us that when she is with a man she's interested in she's very direct. As they're chatting she asks, "So, do you use condoms?". You could try saying, "This is pretty embarrassing, but I wonder if you get into safer sex?". It is preferable to have a conversation like this before you get to the stage of intimacy.

You may find it easy to be direct or may want to start broadly eg. "Did you know it's Condom Awareness Week? What do you think about condom use?" or "I saw a display at a health centre on safer sex today. What do you think about safer sex?". This way, you will at least get some idea of the other's approach to safer sex. Perhaps you could ask friends for their favourite lines.

If the person doesn't like the idea of using a condom, you have choices. You could:

Remember, you deserve protection from unwanted pregnancy or an infection.

Common excuses for not practicing safer sex

Here are some of the common excuses for not using condoms or dams that we've heard are:

When faced with comments like these, it can be really hard to remain assertive about what you want, even though it is your own safety and perhaps even your own life that is being risked. Acknowledge the other person's feelings and thoughts eg. to "I thought you loved me" you could say, "I do love you and I show you I love you in other ways. Risking our good health doesn't prove our love but keeping each other safe is a way of showing true love." See our topic on 'Assertiveness' for extra ideas.

Persuasion lines to have safer sex

Here are some persuasion lines to have safer sex that we've heard

Too much to drink or carried away?

One reason that young people have said they don't use condoms is because they've been too drunk at the time.

Another reason people have said they have unsafe sex is that they get carried away in the heat of the moment. That is why it's really important to discuss attitudes to safer sex and make sure you have protection handy well before you both get intimate. Once you've had unsafe sex, there is no going back, and you're left to worry about infections or pregnancy, and go through testing.

If you don't use a condom, you should have an STI check before having sex with anyone else to avoid passing it on. Have the check as soon as possible to stop possible STIs spreading or getting worse.

Risk of pregnancy?

If there is a risk of pregnancy, talk to a doctor soon. Emergency contraception (the 'morning after pill') may be an option. It is best if the 'morning after pill' is started within 72 hours, but it may work if started within 96 hours. It does have some side effects, although these are usually minor (see our topic 'Emergency contraceptive pills').

Resources

South Australia

Australia

References

Lawstuff website - for legal information all states of Australia:
http://www.lawstuff.org.au

McCloskey J, (1992) 'Your Sexual Health' Elephas Books Pty Ltd, Western Australia.

Shine SA. 'Safer sex'. (PDF document - 80Kb):
http://www.shinesa.org.au/index.cfm?...

Sexually Transmitted Diseases Services (Clinic 275). 'Information for Gay, Bisexual and other Men who have Sex with Men':
http://www.stdservices.on.net/yourhealth/msm.htm

Sexually Transmitted Diseases Services (Clinic 275). 'Safe Sex and Condoms: Essential facts':
http://www.stdservices.on.net/std/prevention/

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The information on this site should not be used as an alternative to professional care. If you have a particular problem, see a doctor, or ring the Youth Healthline on 1300 13 17 19 (local call cost from anywhere in South Australia).